The Burgermeister

What’s a Great American Road Trip without a Great American Cook-Out? But of course the families can’t just sit around and have a calm and relaxed picnic – it has to be a competition. So which dad can grill up the best burger? It’s like yet another cooking reality show!,six families continued to get their kicks on Route 66. They visited the Jesse James' hideout at the Meramac Caverns. The Montgomery family took in a little fishing and the diSalvatore family punked little brother Blake. But, hey! The family that plays together, stays together, right?

The King of the Road challenge found the families in Branson, Missouri, otherwise known as "The Vegas of the Ozarks." Our teams had to come up with skits for a talent show that would be judged by music icon Andy Williams, Yakov Smirnoff, and a couple hundred unimpressed locals. Yikes! Somehow, Team Pollard won over the crowd with a southern-fried version of "Old MacDonald." No one team was eliminated this episode, but the top three teams – the Pollards, the Ricos, and the Cootes – got the opportunity to compete for a trip to Hollywood. At the historic Route 66 drive-in theater, the kids got to treat the Dads like human video games, maneuvering them through a maze of cars. Team Coote and Team Pollard make a photo finish of it, but it's the Rootin' Cootes who take the final prize.

So now our six remaining families are:

* The Ricos: Ricardo (dad), Erica (mom), Danielle (13), Ricky (8)
* The Favereys: Lenny (dad), Dee (mom), Dylan (15), Ashley (10)
* The diSalvatores (Team Dysfunctional): Silvio (dad), Amy (mom), Mason (16), Blake (13)
* The Cootes (Team Rootin' Cootes): Keith (dad), Jennifer (mom), Cassidy (12) Jake (9) The Pollards: Ron (dad), Amie (mom), Aaron (17), Anslie (12)
* The Montgomerys (Team Powerhouse): Darius (dad), Alecia (mom), Darius Jr. (15), Tyler (11)

After a night of well-deserved rest and relaxation, our teams are ready to roll from Carthage Missouri. Their destination: Independence, Kansas, where, we're told, the story of Little House on the Prairie originated. For those of you don't who remember Little House, it's a children's book written by Laura Engalls Wilder about growing up with her family in the 1800s in the midwest.

Self-proclaimed history buff Ricardo Rico knows the story (probably from watching the ‘70s TV show when he was younger). But, Amie Pollard confidently confuses Little House with that other great ‘70s show about a tight-knit, struggling Midwestern family: The Waltons. She tries to educate her family by quoting that famous ending phrase, "Goodnight John-Boy." Her kids just look simply at her as if she were nuts. Oh well, not everyone watches TV Land.

Once in Kansas, Silvio diSalvatore seems to be fascinated with the worn-torn, tornado-ridden houses lining the highway. So much so, he almost rams the family RV into a mailbox, causing Mama diSalvatore to a have a near heart attack. Another day in the life of Team Dysfunctional, I suppose.

Our teams reach the "Little House" to find a family living there, dressed in appropriate 1800s garb: bonnet, big aprons, raccoon hats... the works. I have always wondered where they get these people, willing and able to impersonate historic characters. Are they paid to stage these renowned attractions or are they avid enthusiasts who enjoy recreating our nation's landmarks for tourists and passers-by? Whatever the reason, "Little House" certainly proves to be a testament to a simpler time and family life.

The best quote of the series so far (and there have been some doozies) come from our Team Dysfunctional, of course, when meeting up with Pa Engalls for the first time. Pa remarks to the diSalvatores that he's been reading about the Brooklyn Bridge being built (remember, to him, it's 1800ish). A deadpan Silvio replies in pure "New Yawker" fashion, "We don't go to Brooklyn. We're from the Bronx." Ha! Nice one, Silvio.

Next stop, The Red Buffalo Ranch for a cook-out and a pit-stop. Everyone is pumped for a cook-out. And who wouldn't be? A Great American Road Trip would not be complete without a Great Family Cook-out.

I love how Dee Faverey is genuinely surprised at the announcement of all the stops along Route 66. She and the rest of the Family Faverey are the only ones who have never traveled in an RV before. So everything is a new adventure to them. Those of us viewers who share the same lack of travel get to enjoy vicariously their wonder and adventures equally.

Now, before the teams reach the Red Buffalo Ranch, the GART producers want to show us two very different versions of the modern-day American family unit. Contrasts to compare, I suppose.

In this corner, Team Dysfunctional (you guessed it!). We have Family diSalvatore bickering very loudly over the "Low Fuel" sign on the dashboard. Amy yap yaps about the impending doom of having no gas and the fear of having to push the big RV to the nearest gas station. Silvio belligerently ignores her, of course until he makes the effort to look down to see the flashing light for himself. Caught in the middle is our poor oldest son Mason. He has to endure his parents’ loud back and forth. There is nowhere to go, obviously. You can see that he is wishing, more than anything, to be somewhere else. It actually gets hard to watch at one point.

Meanwhile, in the Rico RV, we see Ricardo and Erica sharing a quiet moment together. They are enjoying the passing landscapes with pure respect and gusto. He points out little red barns, weather vanes, and beautiful sights to his attentive wife. Caught up in the moment, he reaches for Erica's hand just to say, "I love you. This is awesome." Wow. It sure is.

Our teams finally make it to Red Buffalo Ranch only to find Reno waiting for them in a chef's hat, next to a big grill. Time for a wonderful cook-out, right? Kinda. Sorta. Not.

It's time for the King of the Road challenge! The Dads must cook six burgers, with whatever concoctions they choose, then the rest of the families get to sample them in a blind taste-test. The burger that gets the most points and best comments will win the challenge and a super-fabulous mega-grill! The three worst burgers will have to compete in the End of the Road challenge to stay in the game.

Right away, Team Dysfunctional gets nervous because they all know Silvio has never cooked anything in his life (which he readily admits). Still, the rules are rules. EVERY Dad has to cook the burgers. By the look of it, I figure Dad Coote and Dad Pollard has had plenty of experience grilling burgers in their day. Will it be another photo finish?